


In My Face Is Flashing Signs (seek it out and ye shall find)

by ladybugdays



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Character Study, Fair warning I have a terrible sense of humor, Getting Together, Hermann POV, I wrote about people kissing for this, It's about the y e a r n i n g, Lars was a bad dad, M/M, even them, everyone knows that theyre gay, no beta reader we die like men, post-drift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:54:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22841314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladybugdays/pseuds/ladybugdays
Summary: Drift compatibility was only as big a deal as they made it out to be.Newton did not comment on the fact that Hermann began to hum along to awful music. In turn, Hermann did not address Newton’s new interest in his calculations. It was simple, minding one's business. Even if Hermann couldn't stand to be alone most days, and most nights he found himself standing outside of Newton's bedroom door.Newton. Not Doctor Geiszler. The latter felt far too formal now.
Relationships: Hermann Gottlieb & Lars Gottlieb, Hermann Gottlieb & Mako Mori, Newton Geiszler & Mako Mori, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb
Comments: 5
Kudos: 77





	In My Face Is Flashing Signs (seek it out and ye shall find)

**Author's Note:**

> I usually put lyrics in the note box because Im Cheesy but anyways Counting Stars is oddly a very Hermann song through and through.

"An hour. We will only be there for an _hour.”_

“Relax, Hermann! I want to be there even less than you do.”

Hermann fixed Newt with a flat look in the mirror. The clock may have stopped, but the need for celebration had, _apparently_ , not. Ahead of them would be the fifth party they’d been invited to in as many weeks. 

Hermann could already feel a migraine setting in.

Newt’s cheeky grin softened over Hermann's shoulder. “I don’t think it’s too late to cancel- I’m very convincing when I fake sick.”

“No, you are not!” Hermann adjusted his own tie for the umpteenth time. It would never be straight enough. “You are the definition of conspicuous.”

“Mm-hm,” Newt said. “You believed me when I said I had food poisoning.”

Hermann turned to face Newt, bringing them even closer together. Their respective needs for personal space had been dwindling, much like the novelty of parties. “That was because you kept putting Kaiju parts next to your lunch in the fridge! You had to be hospitalized!” 

“Sure was!”

Hermann scowled. Newt had dressed in a white button-up with black pants. Although the only unstained garments he owned, Hermann found that a studded belt and leather jacket rather distasteful- and outrageously flattering. Hermann was more sensibly dressed in a grey vest with a black overcoat. “Your bowtie is crooked.”

Newt didn't even look down. "Ugh, again? I swear I fixed it already."

“Just as you swear you told me about this event as soon as you found our invitation.”

“I left it on the fridge! Which is basically the same thing!”

Hermann sighed, although comforted by the familiar weariness. “Here, just let me do it.”

Newt froze as Hermann’s fingers wrapped around the edges of his bowtie. It was a sturdy, deep blue, and the inspiration for the color was obvious. Hermann tugged it tightly and set it in place, then smoothed the button-up down with gentle palms. When he looked up, Newt’s face was colored pink. 

“That wasn't so hard, was it?” Hermann chided, and left it at that.

* * *

Hermann and Newton had a list of unspoken understandings. Newton never made anything with nuts when the need to cook seized him. On Mother’s Day, they would go out to dinner together, and proceed to get wine-drunk enough to think writing their next research paper on why _“The wall solutiion is fuckin stupid, Lars Gottlieb you BITCH.”_ Newt never asked about Hermann’s family, and Hermann never brought up certain diagnoses. There was a method for such things. 

Their newest rule was ten weeks old: they did not talk about the Drift. 

It had gone unsaid in the rush of the first few weeks and only cemented from there. What was there to talk about? It had been fleeting, unprecedented, and most of all, _dangerous._ Drift compatibility was only as big a deal as they made it out to be. 

Newton did not comment on the fact that Hermann began to hum along to awful music. In turn, Hermann did not address Newton’s new interest in his calculations. It was simple, minding one's business. Even if Hermann couldn't stand to be alone most days, and most nights he found himself standing outside of Newton's bedroom door.

 _Newton._ Not Doctor Geiszler. The latter felt far too formal now.

* * *

Hermann did, however, stare at Newt’s forearms while they slid into the back of their escort’s vehicle. “Please tell me you’re covering those up for the evening.”

Newt leaned back into his seat, his jacket folded over his lap. He was at ease against leather and city lights. Hong Kong’s blaring colors suited him better than his appalling blue tie. “I overheat! Besides, I saved the world! I get to dress however I want.”

“If you were wearing what you wanted, you would be a douchebag in sunglasses.”

Newt stared in surprise. He opened his mouth to say something, but seemed to think better of it. Hermann’s mind supplied what had been on Newt’s. _“I seem to be rubbing off on you, Dr. Gottlieb.”_

Newt stepped out first, draping his leather jacket over his shoulders. In another second he was opening the door on Hermann's side without ceremony or comment. He wasn’t even looking at Hermann; focused instead on scanning the scenery. 

Hermann offered a curt thanks and hoisted himself onto the street. The driver had definitely stared, but he had been informed of Hermann's need for a cane when Admiral Herc Hansen first employed him. Newt had been informed of much more than that in the Drift. 

The event hall was rather Greek in architecture, especially for a building in the middle of Hong Kong. More reminiscent of a court than anything else. The gallant, smooth grey steps had granted the paparazzi plenty of room to stake a claim on the scene. 

"Ugh, damn vultures," Newt muttered. 

The snap and flash of digital cameras had captured Mako Mori and refused to free her. She was leaning in, speaking into a microphone with a pleasant smile. 

Queasiness overtook Hermann. "Perhaps if we move slowly, they won't see us," he mused. 

"I'll field this one," Newton declared, surging forward. "Maaako! My girl!" 

She lit up when she saw him- figuratively and literally, as a good dozen cameras went off in front of her. Mako took him in her arms and laughed into a tight hug. 

Hermann could already see the headlines speculating about their involvement. He made his way up the stairs as best he could, although always feeling Newt's attempts not to look to him. That was one of the other odd effects. Both had been caught staring at each other more often than they were looking at their respective work.

A woman with a microphone spotted him. "Doctor Gottlieb! Care to answer any questions?" 

Hermann did not even look back. It wasn’t until he reached the top with his knee throbbing that his gaze turned down. Newt was switching his weight from foot-to-foot, waving his hands in the air, and grinning wildly. He was talking about Kaijus, or Hermann was illiterate. 

_He likes the spotlight,_ Hermann thought. The part of his brain where Newt would dwell, evermore, prodded him to join. The rest of his mind belonged to a man embittered under a father’s shadow. The inevitable question- _“What does your father think of your accomplishments?”-_ would poison his evening beyond salvation. 

Newt eventually jogged up to join him, flushed and happy. He babbled on about how they were _rockstars, baby,_ without any breath in between. Then, he looked back down. “Eesh. That’s a lot of stairs. We can end a war with aliens but can’t make public spaces more accessible?”

"You grow accustomed to it, after enough time," Hermann lied, which was to say _I am used to it._

Newt frowned. "Well, wherever we end up had better have an elevator, or they're not getting me."

Hermann didn't realize what Newt implied until they were well inside.

* * *

At times, Hermann did wonder about his relationship with Newton. How much of their bond was from osmosis? Perhaps the Drift had lessened their inhibitions, like wine with typed drafts that would never see the light of day. 

Perhaps it was only natural that two men forced to work together for so long either killed each other or adapted. He could run the theory by Newton- if two male lions were forced to share an enclosure, how long would they last? 

(But Newton never liked experiments involving animals, the damn bleeding heard. Even beta fish would be a stretch, and they were less territorial than the two of them.)

There had been subtle signs, long before they wrapped themselves in wire and created a neural pathway with _“Baby Godzilla, Hermann! We are so fucking cool!”_ Hermann had rather fancied Newton as an academic equal over their early letters. Much as he would deny it to anyone who would hear his complaints, friendship had survived the instantaneous impression of “ _You are not a mere fool, but the circus in its entirety.”_

Their chaos was in harmony. " _What was order without disorder_?" Newton had argued, one day, while standing only in his boxers and a dissected Kaiju heart. Push and pull, nights and mornings. If Newton Geiszler embodied Murphy’s Law, perhaps it was inevitable that Hermann would exist as his counterbalance. 

The concept was closer to Hermann’s idea of soulmates than a scientific theory. 

But there was a line between them, between two opposing worlds, like a wall around Hermann's feelings. Newton joked that he must have felt everything in shades of beige. _"You don't even cough unless it's planned two weeks ahead of time."_

Hermann found biology equipment on his side of the lab and fondness in his heart anyways.

(And he understood what Newton meant once they Drifted. Everything in his head was a mess of sound and color.)

One morning, Hermann had gone into the lab at seven. A time, by all rights, earlier than Newton had ever even deigned to stir in his sleep. The sound of plucky music greeted him. 

"Herms! Didn't hear you come in!" Newton swayed side to side, plucking at the violin tucked under his chin. It was a sideways, rapid melody, but Newton's fingers were dexterous. 

"What on Earth-"

"I wanted to pick up the violin again!" Newton cut in, excited in only a way a Geiszler could be. "No idea why." 

"At _this_ hour?" 

" _At this hour_?” Hermann mocked. “Yes, since I can't seem to stop waking up at the ass crack of dawn. Thanks for giving that to me! 'Sides. I forgot how much fun this was!" 

"You're not even playing it correctly!" 

"'S'how I used to do it. It's an alternate method!" Newton grinned down at him and produced a few juvenile notes of _We Didn't Start The Fire,_ which Hermann would deny knowing every word to. 

Hermann did not feel up to mentioning that _oh, well,_ he had been longing to pick the violin back for a decade, actually. At least since he'd dropped it after his accident. Or how it was his favorite instrument. Or how he recognized a few of Chopin's Nocturnes, which Newt picked up with startling ease. 

“Your lunacy knows no bounds,” Hermann choked.

* * *

"Champagne, Doctor Gottlieb?"

"Thank you, Miss Mori.” Hermann took a long sip from the flute she provided. It bubbled over his tongue pleasantly. 

She eyed him keenly. Leaning against a pillar in her high-collar, sleeveless black dress, Hermann was reminded that she was barely past twenty. Young enough to win more glory days yet. "You two seem well. How have you been holding up since…?"

"Fine."

"Ah. Fine. The word for a most indefinite state of denial." Mako hummed to herself softly, ducking her eyes when he looked at her sternly. She dared to look both coy and solemn all at once.

“I assure you, I am very much _fine,”_ Hermann insisted, taking another long sip of his flute. The bubbling now felt angry over his tongue. He kept it down with a grimace. The deep fondness he felt anyways was entirely Newt's fault. Who should have learned to keep his little sister out of their business. 

“Is Newt?”

He stared. “I beg your pardon?”

“Is Newt?” Mako repeated. “Have you two spoken since Drifting? I know when you’re in the moment, it seems like you don’t need to verbalize anything, but there’s value in living outside of the Drift.”

“You’re his friend, you’re welcome to ask him.”

“You’re his Drift partner.”

“So was a Kaiju brain.”

"Can I tell you a secret, doctor?" Mako asked. She looked at him directly as she spoke, leaving no room for anything but the conviction in her dark eyes. 

Hermann swirled the last few sips of his champagne in its flute. If he was lucky enough, the miniature whirlpool would be enough to drag him down."I suppose."

"Since Raleigh and I Drifted, I've felt less alone. It's like there's always another person there, holding me, even when we're apart." Mako swallowed. "And I had to come alone today to prove to Herc that I could be."

“The Drift is known to have side effects.”

Mako’s attention wandered beyond him. Hermann did not have to wonder where she was looking. He had felt Newt’s presence, waning on and off of him, on the other side of the room.

Hermann looked anyways. Newt was mid-conversation with Tendo, who was laughing at something he had said. Hermann felt a twinge of worry- was he laughing at Newton? But as quickly as the fear came, it passed.

Hermann’s eyes trailed over the twisting colors decorating Newton’s forearms. He could remember what it felt like to receive them, despite never so much as glancing in the way of a tattoo parlor. He no longer had to wonder how far down they went, either.

“It's our personal experience- you know,” Mako said, “given that one of us has lost a Drift partner. They say it's also a trauma response, considering... It's worth it, though. Having a connection like that. Nothing can sever it- not completely."

Hermann swallowed nothing. He was not looking at her. "May I ask what your intent is in telling me this, Miss Mori?" 

"You may,” Mako said. “All I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't throw it away just because it's awkward at first. Trust me, Raleigh knowing how much I wanted to pinch his butt outweighed the gains."

"I promise you that I do not want to pinch doctor Geiszler's buttocks."

"I wouldn't blame you. He seems very pinchable." Coyness outweighed sobriety in Mako's expression. 

The image of Newton splayed over the lab's leather sofa, rendered jelly by their brutal hours, flickered through Hermann's mind. Even when he deigned to tuck his shirt in, it rode up and exposed the dip and swell of his hip. 

"Miss Mako-" Hermann gritted. "I don't need you to explain my feelings to me. It's not your job." That was his therapist's job. He only had so much time in the year for appointments with her, but still. Mako Mori didn't need to be the one helping him. 

"Don't look at me like that! He's practically been my brother since he came to Hong Kong. I've been planning to get a tattoo for years now, you know?" Mako snickered. Not a girlish giggle, but a sly, amused sound. "Blame him for my corruption. I am a well-meaning lady that has _never_ had a lewd thought a day in my life."

"Hm," was all Hermann could say. His ears had been lit by matches- almost as potent in feeling as the throbbing in his bad leg. It crawled up and down the muscles like a parasite. 

"Where do you intend to go, after the dust settles?” Mako asked softly. She was brilliant in her own right, Hermann realized numbly. His father’s years of instilling the value of academic intellect had expired. He may have been nearly fifteen years her senior, but she was bolder than he would ever be. 

"Doctor Geiszler is a valued asset to any team," Hermann resolved. He leaned further into his cane. "He deserves a promotion. It's not my place to tell him what he can and can't do with his future."

"I don't think he could stand to work with anyone else," Mako observed. 

She was right, of course. The thought of waking up to anyone else across from him in the lab disturbed him. Screaming like at two brain cells desperately attempting to produce a coherent thought between them was a type of bond. 

"He's got a big heart, and you occupy most of it. Second, only to the Kaiju, but… a close second."

“I…” 

“Even if you believe he knows, you need to tell him to his face.”

Hermann did not share the fact that many nights he would fall asleep thinking of faces he had never seen and wake up recalling places he had never visited. That was when he was spared of nightmares from another world. He did have dreams of his own - often forcing him to relive the moment he found Newt sprawled on the floor in a sustained seizure. As if someone had peeled back Hermann's layers of compartmentalized emotions and plucked fears out of his subconscious. (Afterwards, the only words Newt could muster were _"I told you so_ " and " _Kaiju."_ )

Hermann was not as emotionally inept as he had been accused. He knew that he was in love with Newton Geiszler. Nearly seeing him die was enough to rid his heart of denial. 

It was that moment where Newt looked over, scanning for something. He found Hermann easily. His approach was marked by the slightest favor in one leg over the other. 

His was grin wild and his bowtie cocked, making him resemble some caricature of eccentricity. "Guess who gets to pick out the name for the baby Kaiju!" 

"Oh, please tell me it isn't _you_ ," Hermann groaned. He couldn't even muster the will to be disappointed at himself for finding Newt attractive when he was glowing with excitement. 

"Hey, I hooked my brain up to the thing first! I'm gonna call her Absolem."

"That's _terrible,"_ Mako snorted. 

"At least you're having fun," Hermann grunted. "What time is it?" 

"Eight thirty-two, so twenty-eight minutes left," Newt gritted under his breath, through a tight grin. "God, if one my person asks me about how I feel now that my career in K-Science is over, I'm going to scream."

"I'd hardly say K-Science is a useless field, what with all of the bodies left behind," Mako said. "But if that were true, there's always… Well, there's always the Drift to study."

Hermann and Newt locked eyes. 

"Newton has received a dozen different offers at various colleges," Hermann told Mako. It was Newt's dream come true. Enough offers to choose from and room to do whatever he wanted with whatever budget he needed. 

Newt was still staring at him. "I don't want any of them."

"Pardon?" 

"I don't want any of them. A lot of those snobs didn't extend any offers to you. Like, _geez,_ don't they get we saved the world as a team?"

"Oh."

* * *

The day his sister had called him, the clock had been stopped for half a week. 

Hermann did not recognize the number as he picked up the receiver. The hundreds of calls that had gone through ended up in the answering machine- offers for research grants or teaching jobs, mostly. One determined woman had even called to profess her undying love to him. 

It wasn’t like Newton was going to pick it up. He was still singing a rendition of _We Are The Champions_ that would have Freddie Mercury not only rolling, but executing an entire choreography in his grave. Hermann ignored the desire compelling him to hum along and the fond smile invading his face. 

“You have reached Doctors Hermann Gottlieb and Newton Geiszler. Speaking?”

“Hermann,” came his sister’s voice, as delicate as she had ever sounded.

Hermann froze. The singing around him ended, and he was flatlining. “Karla- Doctor Gottlieb," he corrected himself," to what do I owe this pleasure?”

Karla could not have missed the sharpness in his tone if she were deaf. “Perhaps I wanted to speak to my brother."

"Only after he proved that he was the one in the right?" Hermann said snidely. The music had completely stopped. A senseless rhythm in the left of his chest took over. "Now that it is advantageous to have me as a brother again, _Liebling_?" 

It had been their father's endearment when he was in the mood to show affection. A rare occasion meant to incite rivalry amongst his four children. Hermann had held it most out of all of them, until his estrangement. 

"We parted on no better terms than you and father, I acknowledge that," Karla began-

Hermann choked. "No better terms? You told me that I would be better off obeying father than I would ever be on my own!" 

"That was what I believed at the time." Karla inhaled. Exhaled. Started again. "You know how convincing father could be."

Karla Gottlieb was the only daughter in the family. A unique set of expectations came with it. She was to marry a well-bred German boy, a doctor, thereby securing a strong connection in German high society. 

Karla maintained perfect grades while keeping a rivalry with her brothers. The praise it should have earned her never came. Every Gottlieb child had a 5.0. It was an expectation. Perfecting ballet and gymnastics had come naturally from there. Karla did nothing in half-measures. Mastery was simple with the willpower she hid beneath a poised expression.

After their father expressed disappointment in his oldest son, Dietrich, a mere lawyer- she silently pursued radiology in medical school. She had triumphed at that, too, and had her name known for inventing a method to reverse Kaiju blood poisoning. 

Hermann did not remember hearing Newton approach, or when he started shaking, but he found that he had a hand against his back and on his shoulder. Newton frowned softly. He was warm. Very, very warm. 

"I do," Hermann said. "So you understand why I do not wish to speak with him again."

"I never said that I was calling on his behalf." 

Hermann leaned into Newton. His presence grounded him to the moment, as he closed his eyes and breathed deeply."Oh?"

After the death of their mother, Karla was the _only_ female Gottlieb. It became her responsibility to tend the house, iron her brothers' school uniforms, and keep herself mild and impartial. Impartial, as long as it did not contradict their father. 

Hermann remembered waking up in the hospital, his hand held tightly in hers. She had cried then- the first time she had ever cried in front of him. 

"I haven't spoken to you since 2014," Karla said. "I haven't spoken to father since my wedding, two years ago." 

Hermann licked his teeth, almost, for a moment, expecting to find metal and plastic. Newton had worn a retainer while earning his first two doctorates. "One less doctor Gottlieb, then?" 

"No. My husband isn't the one who went to medical school," Karla corrected. "That was part of it, you see. I married an accountant."

"I never expected you to be the one to rebel."

"There is no explanation I can offer for the past decade without sounding like an excuse," Karla continued, only slightly more gentle than iron. "I understand that much, going forward."

Hermann felt the strangest compulsion to hang up on her and walk into the ocean. It was Newton's breath on the back of his neck that brought him to settle on a mere "Going forward?" 

"I had dared to hope the end of the world would be enough of an occasion to reunite." Karla's voice was neutral and cool. Professional detachment. It took someone who knew her to be able to detect the underlying hope. 

Hermann paused for a long moment. He turned to Newton, half to make sure he wouldn't disappear if he blinked. They'd met when Hermann was freshly estranged from his kind, and still an open, frayed nerve adjusting to life with a cane. 

Now Newton looked at him with full, unsheltered understanding. A side effect of being force-fed Hermann's thoughts, at best.

But Hermann He could hang up, if he truly wanted to. There would be no judgment. But the quirk of Newton's lips was a soft encouragement to mend the bond Hermann had missed most of all. 

_Karla_ ; _Womanly strength._ All of the Gottlieb children had found ways to survive. Hermann was suddenly reminded that his sister was a human rather than a marble statue.

"Perhaps," Hermann resolved. The word tasted like salt. "Shavuot is next month, after all. It would be an opportunistic moment." Passover would be too soon. April in its entirety would be too soon. May gave them breathing space. 

"Shavuot," Karla breathed. “I will see you in April, then.”

Hermann set the phone down, fingers trembling. "That was my sister," he said. 

"I know. She was, uh, in a lot of your earlier memories. So was what happened with…" Newton cleared his throat. "I was going to tell you that, well, even if you decide not to connect with your family in the end, I'm going to support you while you try."

"Because that's what you wish your mother would have done?"

"I didn't say that to be mean."

"I know."

* * *

“Keep moving, don’t make eye contact,” Newt hissed as they weaved through the crowd. The front door was not an option, with the growing swell of paparazzi outside. 

“There’s a back door towards the bathrooms,” Hermann hissed back, hobbling ahead of him. A few former Shatterdome residents shot the pair of them odd looks, but most cleared the path.

“Doctors!” someone yelled after them.

“Oh, fuck me running,” Newt said. 

Herc Hansen waved at them and approached in a powerful stride. He was Herc to Hermann because he was Herc to everyone. His suit brought out the grey in his eyes. So did the lines of grief, carved into his face despite his best efforts to smile. 

"It's good to see you two," Herc said, offering a hand. If he was lying, he was convincing enough for Newton to bridge the distance anyways. He wasn't as good at pretending not to notice Newton's tattoos.

Hermann saluted him, which Newt elbowed him for. He was reminded in a jolt of the surge of Newt's feelings overwhelming him. _"He doesn't know he's good enough. Tell him he's better than the bastards in here, tell him, tell him you-"_

Hermann cleared his throat, pretending in turn that he had not been caught attempting to escape a sighting like it was an episode of _Finding Bigfoot._ Newt had watched every episode to date. Hermann was now burdened by knowledge. 

"There's been so much happening in recent weeks there hasn't been time to properly talk," Hermann said, aware of how obvious his excuses were. He'd been unable to stop feeling defensive embarrassment since the Drift. "Did you need something, Admiral?" 

"I never had the chance to properly thank the two of you for your work," Herc said, smiling tightly. His teeth were perfectly smooth and white. They reminded Hermann of a veterans' cemetery. He'd visited them far too many times. 

Newt attempted a laugh and a nod. "Ah, well, the end of the world takes up a lot of time on the G-Cal. The edge to his voice asked Herc if he blamed them for the death of his son. 

Herc had always seemed skeptical of them when he wasn’t outright exasperated. Now, he only looked apologetic. As apologetic as a statue in a graveyard. "I was hoping to catch the two of you in person, if it's not too late to make an offer."

"An offer?" Hermann shifted his weight into his cane. Newt stuffed his hands into his pockets. 

"A research grant," Herc said. "You must be drowning in offers already, but I can promise you funding for whatever you want, and your own private labs to work." 

Hermann opened his mouth and closed it again. 

Newt sprung first, moving his arm behind Hermann's back and grinning blindingly."We'll have to weigh our options a bit first, you know? But of course, we'll get back to you on that!"

Herc held his head high, even when he nodded. "All of the time you need. I wouldn't expect anything else, after everything you've done for the world."

Hermann waited for the other shoe to drop. The cosmos always loved to play jokes on him. Why else would a building have collapsed on him during a Kaiju attack? He couldn't let himself believe in a higher power without feeling cheated. Not entirely. Numbers were the closest thing he had of an explanation for the universe. The handwriting of G-d. 

But Newt only pulled him a little closer and nodded along. 

* * *

Hermann woke up without ever truly falling asleep. For weeks he lived on the edge of being awake, drifting on waves. Beneath the tides, monsters clawed their way to the surface. 

Humanity had taken down a monster and deemed it _Trespasser._ _How dare you come here and take and take and take. How_ dare _you-_

He found himself awake in the lab, scanning equations in search of error. How likely was it that the Breach would open again? How long would it take? Unimaginable horror festered beneath a scar at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Only five percent of Earth's oceans were charted- what sat in the Atlantic? Or the Indian? Or the Southern, or-? 

"Hermann?" Newton yawned from somewhere behind. "I could hear you from my room, what are you- Oh, Hermann…"

Hermann's chest rose and fell in rapid succession, his heart thrashing to escape his chest. He gripped the rungs of the ladder by his chalkboards to keep himself from collapsing. An invisible force kept him from breathing- choking him so fiercely tears streamed down his face. 

Newton led him by his shaking arms to their battered old couch. Hermann leaned against him the whole way. It was much farther than he remembered. Newton attempted to stand up and walk away, but Hermann gasped and grasped and pulled him back down. 

"I'm just getting you some water, I'll be right back," Newton whispered into his hair. “You’re having a panic attack.”

 _Me?_ Hermann managed to think, but he nodded and released his death-grip on Newton. 

He gulped down the water he was given in one go. When he was done, he passed it to Newton and wheezed. His face burned like Newt's hand had when he'd touched a hot stove while helping his uncle cook. 

Hermann was holding Newton's hand. Chalk dust was almost as pale as his trembling fingers. He breathed in, out, and in again, but didn't release it. 

Newton remained quiet for a long time. “I’m sorry I gave this to you," his voice eventually said. He couldn't look at Hermann. 

Hermann tugged on their joint hands. _Look at me,_ the gesture said, and Newt obeyed it. 

“I know you believe that you destroy things, Newton, but you don’t- you don’t- you’re good. You’re-" Hermann couldn’t manage words yet, but he yanked Newt into a crushing hug. He held him tight, as if they were trying to find each other in the Drift all over again. Reaching out to hold on. An anchor to combat the rabbit. 

Hermann could feel the ghost of that connection between them that would fade if left untouched. He hypothesized, privately, as he buried his face into Newt’s shoulder and breathed in the scents of salt and sweat, that it would remain a while longer. _Hypothesis_ as another word for hope. 

They didn't move for more than a while.

  
  


* * *

"What would you think," Newt said as they returned to the apartment they were renting together, "about our next paper covering the topic of Drift side effects?" 

Hermann draped his jacket over his armchair. Newt had hung him up on the coatrack. A snarling Kaiju figure guarded their bowl of keys. "I suppose," he said thoughtfully. "I doubt that the UN will be quick to dispose of the remaining Jaeger tech. We'll have plenty of time to study it before the effects fade." 

"Hermann."

"Mako Mori and Raleigh Becket have a fresher bond. Both have been exceedingly helpful thus far-" 

"Hermann."

"The Admiral did agree to give us a grant for whatever subject we wanted to study-" 

"Hermann!" 

Hermann flushed and looked at Newt. The armchair stood between them, but he leaned over to bridge the distance. His eyes were round and hopeful and Kaiju blue. No rings claimed their fingers, but the circle of burst blood vessels matched all the same. 

"We could study ourselves," Newt put forward, breathless and grinning. "Herc was taking all that shit I said about weighing our options seriously! We'll be able to do whatever we want!"

"God help him," Hermann muttered, unable to help a grin from forming. 

Newt laughed. 

Hermann was struck with a string of memories. Rubbing salve on Newt’s new tattoos, and the feeling of the coolness felt on the skin. Seeing himself feeding pigeons on the peer. Falling asleep together on the couch after giving a long, late-night lecture. 

Newt had held onto all of it. It had all been in the Drift. 

Hermann was not a man of half-measures. He would forever insist that he was the first one to lean in when they kissed. 

* * *

DRAFTS:

FROM: Hermann Gottlieb and Newton GeiszLERfuck YOU MY NAME SHOULD GO FIRSt

TO: lars and the fucking wall people

SUBJECT: Kaiju science babyasjsgafjf

Esteemed bastards, we are writing this paper to say FUCK you LArs and your FUCKING WALl we built ROBOTS nd shit. Absolute UNITs just to fight 

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. If you want to yell at me my tumblr is @ladybugdays  
> 2\. I BSed the scene with Herc and it shows.  
> 3\. I get a lil bit annoyed when guys in a fic have to have their female friend teach them to communicate. Of course, it's not a bad thing to rely on your friends!!! But sometimes it tiptoes on relying on women in your life for like. Free therapy. And I was trying to avoid that. Might be a lil ham-fisted, but Hermann is a grumpy dude.  
> 4\. Originally I was gonna have Newt only be able to say "Burger King Foot Lettuce" and "Kaiju" but that mighta been too much.  
> 5\. Im literally a MASSIVE SAP and I feel like Hermann has a thing about professionalism and all that so I tried to do a Thing with his relationship with calling Newt by things other than Doctor. He doesn't get to comparmentalize without me roasting him for doing the same thing I do when I catch feelings. I love being a sixteen year old lesbian girl writing about men twice my age having emotions, haha.  
> 6\. I feel as if Newt might get a smidge more attention. Not necessarily good attention since no one can tell how fucking petty and eccentric Hermann at first glance like they can with Newt, but Newt will Die before the fact that saving the world was a team effort go unrecognized. Uprising Newt was #notmynewt since he was literally possessed by aliens.  
> 7\. If I fumbled anything with my sprinkles of Jewish Hermann please correct me! Im totally willing to edit whatever I need to!


End file.
